Becoming a wife
Homaira handed in her resignation today. She is the only Afghan woman I feel really comfortable with; my only Afghan girlfriend. She is almost 19, stunningly beautiful, and a bit shy before you get to know her. She wears long skirts and tight long-sleeve blouses and matching headscarves embroidered with glitter and rhinestones. She used to wear jeans, she says, but her fiance put an end to that.
Her fiance, who after seeing her at the Afghan Telecom office sent his parents to ask for her hand in marriage.
After a yearlong engagement, during which she has been allowed to work in order to pay for her dowry, Homaira is getting married on July 1. That day she will be leaving her parents' house and go live with her husband, his parents, his brothers and their wives and children. She will no longer be able to work, or to leave the house without a man from the family accompanying her. She will spend her days at home, with the other women of her new family, cooking and cleaning and having children.
She was smiling as she told me this, so I asked whether she was happy with the way in which her life is about to change. I asked her if she liked her new family. "No," she said, "I don't like them. They're uneducated. They are not enlightened minds like my family. You know, my sister went to Cape Town for ten days on a study tour. I want to travel, too, but they don't let their women travel." The worst part of it all, she said, is that she will be allowed to visit her parents' house only once a week.
Like so many Western women before me, I asked "Why did you not refuse to marry into this conservative family?" And like so many generations of Afghan women before her, she shrugged her shoulders and said "it's my destiny".
I think her wedding will be the last time I ever see her.
Her fiance, who after seeing her at the Afghan Telecom office sent his parents to ask for her hand in marriage.
After a yearlong engagement, during which she has been allowed to work in order to pay for her dowry, Homaira is getting married on July 1. That day she will be leaving her parents' house and go live with her husband, his parents, his brothers and their wives and children. She will no longer be able to work, or to leave the house without a man from the family accompanying her. She will spend her days at home, with the other women of her new family, cooking and cleaning and having children.
She was smiling as she told me this, so I asked whether she was happy with the way in which her life is about to change. I asked her if she liked her new family. "No," she said, "I don't like them. They're uneducated. They are not enlightened minds like my family. You know, my sister went to Cape Town for ten days on a study tour. I want to travel, too, but they don't let their women travel." The worst part of it all, she said, is that she will be allowed to visit her parents' house only once a week.
Like so many Western women before me, I asked "Why did you not refuse to marry into this conservative family?" And like so many generations of Afghan women before her, she shrugged her shoulders and said "it's my destiny".
I think her wedding will be the last time I ever see her.
posted by Anja at 12:54 PM
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